Releasing the Old Stories: How to Let Go of Narratives That Were Never Yours

At some point, we all wake up to the realization that we’ve been carrying stories that don’t belong to us. Stories that were handed to us in moments of vulnerability—by parents, teachers, friends, and especially by people we dated when we were younger.

Maybe it was something they said offhandedly.
Maybe it was a criticism disguised as a joke.
Maybe it was the way they treated you, making you believe you were too much or not enough.

And yet, those words stayed. They wove themselves into your identity. They shaped the way you saw yourself, how you moved through the world, and what you believed was possible for you.

But here’s the truth: Not everything you were told about yourself was real.

And now, it’s time to let go.

How Narratives Get Stuck in the Mind

When we hear something about ourselves, especially from someone we trust or admire, our brains naturally try to make sense of it. Instead of questioning whether the words are true, we often absorb them as reality.

Why? Because:
✔️ The brain craves certainty. It’s easier to accept an explanation (even a painful one) than to sit in the unknown.
✔️ Emotions make things feel real. If something hurt when it was said, the feeling imprints the words into memory.
✔️ We seek patterns that reinforce what we already believe. If an insecurity already existed, the external words simply confirmed it.

This is why a casual comment from a high school boyfriend, a moment of rejection, or a passing insult can still hold weight years later.

But just because something was said to you—or about you—doesn’t mean it ever reflected who you truly are.

Why We Hold Onto Narratives That Hurt Us

So why do these outdated, painful beliefs still have a grip on us, even long after we’ve outgrown the people who gave them to us?

1. The Mind Mistakes Familiarity for Truth

   • If you’ve been telling yourself the same story for years, it feels real, even if it’s not.
   • The mind prefers what’s familiar—even if it’s painful—over uncertainty.

2. The Brain Creates Loops of Confirmation Bias

   • If someone once said, "You're not good enough," you’ll subconsciously notice moments that reinforce that belief.
   • Over time, it feels like proof, even though it’s just a mental pattern.

3. Unresolved Emotions Keep Stories Alive

   • If a belief is tied to an emotional wound (rejection, heartbreak, embarrassment), it stays active until it’s fully acknowledged and released.
   • That’s why certain memories still bring a physical reaction years later.

4. We Internalize What We Think Others See in Us

   • Instead of defining ourselves from within, we often absorb how others perceive us—especially in our younger years.
   • If someone treated us like we weren’t valuable, we might have adopted that belief, even though their perception was never an accurate reflection of our worth.

But here’s the thing: Their perception of you was always limited. It was shaped by their insecurities, their fears, and their experiences.

Which means the story they gave you was never yours to carry.

How to Release Narratives That No Longer Serve You

Letting go of an old story isn’t about ignoring it or pretending it didn’t affect you. It’s about recognizing that you no longer have to accept it as truth.

Here’s how to start shifting these beliefs:

1. Identify the Core Narratives

Ask yourself:

• What are the stories I’ve been telling myself for years?
• Who originally gave me this belief?
• Do I still want to carry this as my truth?

Often, just seeing these narratives written down exposes how outdated they really are.

2. Separate Their Words from Your Truth

Not everything someone told you about yourself was accurate.

• What if they were wrong?
• What if they were projecting their insecurities onto you?
• What if you’ve been carrying their words as fact when they were never the truth?

Ask yourself:
✔️ Would I say this about someone I love?
✔️ Would I say this about a child?
✔️ If not, why am I saying it to myself?

What felt real back then doesn’t have to define you now.

3. Find Proof That Contradicts the Old Story

Your mind has spent years gathering “proof” to support the old belief. Now it’s time to look for evidence that proves the opposite.

• If they said you weren’t enough, think of all the times you were more than enough.
• If they made you feel unlovable, recall the relationships where you felt deeply valued.
• If they told you you’d never succeed, find moments where you already have.

By shifting your focus, you literally retrain your brain to see a new reality.

4. Rewrite the Story—On Your Terms

If you could rewrite the way you see yourself—without their words in your head—what would your story be?

Try this:

• Take one of the old beliefs you’ve been carrying.
• Cross it out.
• Write the truth beside it.

For example:
"I’m not good enough." → "I am more than enough, and I always have been."
"I’m hard to love." → "I am deeply loved and worthy of connection."

This isn’t about wishful thinking—it’s about claiming what was true all along.

5. Act as If the New Narrative Is Already True

The mind doesn’t just believe words—it believes actions.

• If you want to believe you’re valuable, treat yourself that way.
• If you want to believe you’re capable, step into spaces where you prove it.
• If you want to believe you’re enough, stop engaging in situations that make you feel otherwise.

Your actions tell your mind what to believe. Show yourself that the new narrative is real.

Final Thought: You Are Not Who They Said You Were

You don’t have to keep living inside the old stories. You don’t have to carry their words like a weight on your back.

You are not who they said you were.
You never were.

The only story that matters now—is the one you choose to tell yourself.

And that story?
That story is yours to rewrite.

Robin Dinaso / The Rhythmic Being